Malfunction of my imagination

December 23rd, 2023

There is something wrong with my imagination, and by extension — with my head. My imagination, usually robust and with just the right touch of weird, is malfunctioning in a major way. It still works, many times in overdrive, but it turns into a negative imagination at all times now. I can imagine the worst possible scenario for any situation — personal or not — just like that, and then top it with even more negative and painful imagination within seconds. And that is just a start, because then my imagination can build on already created terrible (and unlikely) scenarios to go even further with terrifying and awful new images of the worst possible thing that can happen to even the most mundane situation or idea. Of course, all that is just something that happened in my head. And that wreaks havoc on my head and throws my emotions into a frenzy of negativity and fear. Yes, there is a lot of fear in all my thoughts and all I imagine. I am able to react to what is happening in my head, but on an insufficient level — and that creates a new scenario in my mind telling me that there is something wrong with my head and my sanity. And maybe there is… I don't know. That seems like a good explanation for my miserable behavior and the sickly way I felt for the last few weeks. But — that would be too easy an explanation for my ailments. Maybe that is something my mind creates to keep me from discovering the real reasons for my emotional state. I don't know if I can trust my brain to be unbiased in this matter.