March 12th

I have no idea what to write about today. There is no subject I would want to explore. Honestly, I would like just to lay down. I feel tired. I am not getting any younger, and it becomes more and more difficult for me to recuperate quickly after a hard day (or a hard week). And it is not only related to my job — which has become almost unbearable over the last several months. I do a lot of smaller things that I avoided doing when I was drinking. I have to pace myself, I don’t want to become too tired as it can be my trigger that leads to another craving.

On the other hand — I become used to writing every day. Ok, almost every day, sometimes I don’t have any energy left and just copy/paste a poem I liked recently. Also — I found out that one advice that all writers give to young/new/inexperienced writers is that —you have to write every day, write whatever, write anything. You can always redact it or correct it or delete it later. But write, it has to become a habit. Even when you don’t want to, even where you have no words in your head to put on paper (or on screen more likely). Even when words you write make no sense to you, just keep writing.

And that is what I will do. After I quit drinking I had to create and cultivate new habits for myself. I think I am rather successful with that — I wrote something on this blog every day since late October. Since New Year’s Day I spend at least 10 minutes every day on Spanish lessons on Duolingo. I am on pace for reading one book a week. I created a regular schedule for calling and being in touch with several people I care about. For the last several weeks I send at least one CV for a potential new job a day — and every day I check new listings for jobs openings. Another habit is my volunteer work at the City Family Services — once a week I help those that need it.

Unfortunately, I created some bad habits as well — ok, one bad habit — snacking on either sweet or salty snacks in the evening. It started when I was at the therapy and I carried it on for the last four months since then. Every day between 8 and 9pm I just need to eat something sweet or salty. I gained 2.5 kg in that time, and I am not happy about it.

Fortunately, spring is coming — I cannot wait to go back to forming new habits — hiking/trekking in the woods and getting into biking. I got a brand spanking new bicycle last year that I used three times only. And I cannot wait to get on that bike and start exercising again.

And there you go — I didn’t want to write anything today and yet there is another post on this blog! Nothing important but I feel happy about it, that I had to force myself a little to do it, but now I see a good result. I can pat myself on the back and tomorrow I will be back here writing another post. I feel satisfied.

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footsteps of the Furies

footsteps of the Furies

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“for they knew what sort of noise it was; they recognize, by now, the footsteps of the Furies”. Enjoying life on the road to recovery. Observing and writing.