March 15th

Mental exhaustion.

I am completely exhausted.

I had a very good weekend, I did what I planned, I enjoy myself and still had a plenty of time for rest. I wasn’t expecting to feel like that on Monday.

It’s not normal to feel like I felt this afternoon after work. It’s not normal not being able to form a cohesive thought in my head.

I had an empty mind, no thoughts, no feelings, no inner dialogue, no emotions in my head after work.

I went to seem my mom, had dinner. I had trouble to even participate in small talk, I just sat there on the couch most of the time.

Now, at 7 pm I finally am starting to feel a little better. What is going on with the situation at work is not normal, and it’s killing me. I don’t know how much longer can I fight back not to give up.

This can and will lead to another craving, another crisis. And things will not get better.

I need to take care of myself, even if it means doing something radical like quitting my job without a new one lined up. If it means looking for a job in this fucking pandemic.

That could be crazy in the long run, but it seems like a rational thing to do for my health.

So far I am unsuccessful in my search for a new job, no phone calls, no interviews… I won’t be giving up though.

I need to make a decision very soon.