March 23rd

I am calm.

Strangely calm.

Surprisingly calm.

I am doing things out of the ordinary, things that should make me nervous, but I don’t feel it.

Today I went to my first job interview in years. Normally I would be a nervous wreck. And yet, I felt calm and composed. I went over my preparations on the train there and felt ready. The interview itself went completely different from what I expected. I think I held my own, but that’s not for me to decide. Now I can only wait. Of course, I will continue to send more CVs and will see about any more responses. It was important for me to get this first interview out of the way. I can and will use that knowledge to be even better in the future interviews.

But calmness, that is very important for me. I surprised myself by feeling like that. Things that would make me lose sleep and stutter during the interview were not there. I was able to prepare myself for it, review it on the way there and be fully and in depth engaged in the conversation. Afterwards I had no emotional swings, I rationally went over what happened and took what I can use in the future interviews to myself. I didn’t have any unreasonable expectations and I would not be disappointed if that job doesn’t work out.

I will keep going and doing what I want the way I want to. There doesn’t need to be a timeline for any of my goals. I will get there when I get there.

As I said many times before — “one day at a time” and “things will get better and easier”. I know that sounds like a cliché, but it works for me.