March 24th

What’s the timeline?

And why do I need one for things I do?

I finally bought a car and have legal means to drive it. It took me four and the half months since I left the therapy facility. That was one of my planned things to do. One of the things to do sober.

Four and the half months that’s two months longer than I thought and planned for it. It was a completely artificial timeline — things happened along the way that I could not account for while making those plans. Things like a very hard winter, with lots of snow and freezing temperatures that made driving lessons infrequent. Like a need to change a driving schools — where I didn’t feel comfortable with the one that I have initially chosen.

But should it matter? I’ve done what I set to do, even if that took longer than I thought it would. No matter, it’s done, and I am pretty happy about it.

I shouldn’t make plans where I will have an exact date to do or to achieve something. There is no reason to push myself just to keep up with a made up date. As long as I know that I am doing what I set to do, the exact time that it will take is irrelevant.

I know that I am impatient, and subconsciously I want to make up for the time lost to my addiction. That is something that I’ve been warned about. Trying to keep up some artificial timelines can be a trigger (when I fail or the same when I achieve it) and lead to potential cravings. I know I am doing things with and about my life that even last summer I wouldn’t dream about possibly doing. That should be enough for me. And that will be enough for me.

(I had no idea what to write about today, so I just quickly put some words together. That is not my best effort in writing, but I am happy I sat down and done it. This new writing habit is becoming very strong).