March 25th

Being sure of myself makes a huge difference. I think that it doesn’t necessary has to do with confident speech but also with body language and perceived calmness.

I can see it in myself, the way I conduct myself in everyday situations. In things that would make me nervous, or make me stutter, or when I would avoid eye contact. Now, I just go for it. If something need to be done I won’t postpone it and try to avoid it, but I do what necessary. It is a big deal for me because before my sobriety the smallest needed human interactions would make me a nervous wreck. I know for a lot of people that is so normal that they don’t have to think about it. For me, that is a huge improvement in my personality.

Afterwards I don’t analyze every single detail of said interaction. If something doesn’t go according to what I wanted or expected — I look for reasons why that happened and make a mental note to remember ways to improve and achieve my needs in the future.

The interactions at work are different — there is a hierarchy that I need to adjust to. Even with that, when there is a tough situation there, I see myself not panicking, but calmly taking care of the task and also of myself. If there is a problem with somebody, I will address it — not always the way I would like (well, I don’t want to be fired on the spot for giving a person higher in the work hierarchy a stern or a vulgar talking to — and some of them really deserve it), but in the way for my displeasure or objections to be noticed.

All that becomes a “new normal” for me. I'm not going to forget where I came from though. It’s only been a little over six months of sobriety for me and the change in me and in my personality is astounding. I am very happy with that. And with the fact that I can get even better.