March 31st
Last day of March and the first true day of spring today. It was about 20C, slight breeze, cloudless sky, just a perfect day (it could only be better it was Friday).
Finally, after the hardest winter in 10–15 years I could feel some respite today. I need this warm weather, but mostly I need sun. My energy level was through the roof today. I did so much work, that I surprised myself. I was composed, confident and self-assured. That doesn’t surprise me that much anymore, but today I was in a different intensity zone.
I went for a 45 minutes walk before work and another one after I finished my tasks for the day. I have a forest only a 5 minutes walk from my front door and that’s where I went. It’s still muddy and almost unpassable on some paths but overall I could walk almost everywhere without ruining my shoes. There is no new grass or green leaves and only very few buds yet, but the birds are chirping, butterflies are flying (and how exactly those butterflies pupated in only a couple of warm days we had so far? A tiny nature’s secret I guess) and I also saw a toad — yeah, that’s springtime alright.
And I felt great, I am still getting surprised by how good it feels to be sober, to be myself. Not worrying about walking up with a hangover, not worrying about more lies to tell, not worrying about not getting things done, not worrying about driving (how many times I had to calculate in my head — what time did I finished drinking, how much did I had, am I ok to get behind a wheel?)
And yet I still think I can do even better, I can still do more things that will give me pleasure and fulfillment. Yeah, I am getting older and sometimes after a great but intensive day I might be tired (like I feel now) but I can feel and see in my head more things coming my way; good, interesting things —and that will be my reward. And even thou with the spring weather today my mind went a couple of times to thinking about having a beer (only for a couple of seconds each time, but annoyingly so), I know I will persevere. I have so much more in front of me. Now, I get to choose what will be my reward.
