May 19th

My whole life, if anybody would tell me that one day I will look at myself in the mirror and like what I see, I would laugh. That idea never crossed my mind — that I might find myself good-looking. And now I do. That is another surprise of sober life — how easy it is to like myself.

Now, I am a realist. I know I am not handsome, nor I have an athletic and proportional body, nor I dress fashionably (whatever that might mean). My skin bears marks and scars of many years of my struggle with acne (I was even twice hospitalized for acne as a teenager, it was really that bad). I am 5–7 kilos overweight with a beer belly. And that is very curious — I had a beer belly for at least 15 years and I KNEW it was because of my addiction and daily alcohol intake. Now I haven’t drunk for almost 9 months, and I am physically active and yet my belly remains the same. So it wasn’t the alcohol — that was me all along. I like to eat, but I don’t eat that much, I like sweets though (candies and cakes and whatever with a frosting) — and that could it. Or genetics, yeah I’ll go with genetics as an excuse now.

Just kidding — I know that getting in shape depends only on my, my actions and my resolve. And I will see that it happens. I see no constraints if I put my mind and will to it.

Also, I like the way I dress — professional for work (with small touches of individuality like shirts with bright patterns or colorful socks). Yeah, I know — I am a corporate rebel like that. I like my everyday clothes — mostly loose-fitting, hiker style clothes. It doesn’t take a lot of money to assemble a good set of clothes for every occasion, but it requires trips to shopping malls to look for bargains. And I hate shopping malls but once in a while I make myself go to one or another mall, to go several stores that I already know might have something that will fit me (and what the hell is the matter with all those skinny clothes in stores in Poland? Especially pants, finding good, regular fitting pants is always very problematic for me) and look for good deals.

What I like most about liking my look as a sober person is a fact that now I care about it. I care about my skin (I’ve been to a dermatologist this week, first time in twenty years I think), I care about my teeth (already started cosmetic procedures to have a nice and full set of teeth). I care about my weight and what I eat (and I see the most room for improvement with this. But how do I give up all the sweets I love?). I care about clean, ironed clothes that fit me well and have nice colors. I care about all that. And I like the results of all that caring very much. It is very easy for me to like myself now.

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“for they knew what sort of noise it was; they recognize, by now, the footsteps of the Furies”. Enjoying life on the road to recovery. Observing and writing.

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footsteps of the Furies

footsteps of the Furies

“for they knew what sort of noise it was; they recognize, by now, the footsteps of the Furies”. Enjoying life on the road to recovery. Observing and writing.

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