May 13th

I feel strange nervousness, like something is happening or about to happen, and I just don’t know what it is. There is this unusual trembling in my mind. What’s going on? What did I miss? What is going to happen? I try to figure it out but no results so far. I go back thinking about my day today:

• I had a normal day at work, I was actually a little bored midday. I still did a lot of work and can feel that it was a good and productive day. I got a little angry at a client right before I logged off — it was sheer arrogance and stupidity on her part, I got a little steamed with that email conversation.
• I went for a diner at Mom’s — it was normal and pleasant. I did notice that my mom wasn’t feeling well — she was forgetting things to say, I had to repeat a lot of my questions, and then she still had a problem understanding. She occasionally has days like that (and unfortunately it happens more and more often). Going by family history with dementia and Alzheimer’s — that is a concern for me and for her long-term health and sanity.
• I have a big plan for the weekend that will involve a lot of physical work — I rented a big waste container and will clear out the outbuilding. I don’t really want to do it, but I know it is needed, and I feel better after that is done.
• My therapist went on maternity leave, and I was supposed to have a new therapist arranged through her. She told me on Monday that I will have all the details within the next couple of days but nothing so far. I feel I need to continue my therapy and to have the arrangements already done.

All that bothered me today — a little. Nothing really stands out from that list but this nervousness, this trembling, this uncertainty about something is very palpable. What can I do with all that? Maybe it’s just one of those days… I cannot be 100% on all the time, and I cannot expect the same from others around me. That is something to watch very carefully.