Mirrors

November 10th

Sometimes I feel like I cannot know what is the truth even when I see its reflection in front of my face. I know I have OCD with regards to mirrors (or maybe I am just so narcissistic?) but I cannot walk by a mirror/glass/any reflective surface without taking a look at myself. And every time I see a different image of that which is supposed to be my face. It feels like my face changes and it’s different depending on a particular mirror I look at. I mean, the basic features are the same but there are noticeable alterations to the main visual.

Two days ago I went to a new dentist and they have a shiny and very modern office — with mirrored walls and doors. And I caught a glimpse of myself and had to stop — I looked so unlike from what I see every day in my mirrors at home. I looked very much a distinguished man, like a successful middle-aged professional, full of quiet confidence and noticeable distinction. And yet it was still me, the same pullover and the shirt, beard that needs trimming, and prematurely grey hair that is always unruly on the left side of my head (especially since I started to wear a wool hat). What changes? What gives those wildly different reflections?

How many different faces do I wear? How many of my faces I am still to discover? Which reflection is the real me and is the true representation of how I look and who I am? I guess I’ll keep searching, so far I like what I see.