Missing the train

February 23rd

Again, for I think the fourth time this month, I had the same dream. I am on the train, sitting in a comfortable and warm seat, away from other people. The train pulls into a station. It is a strange layout for a train station (and I’ve seen a few train stations in my life). There are two sets of tracks and platforms that cross each other on both ends of the station. The space between those two sets is empty, with some grass and pathways from side to side. The station building is to the side and there are overpasses and underpasses connecting platforms and the station. There is an announcement that my train will be delayed a little, so I get up and leave it and go to a different platform where I know is another train going in the same direction. Before I get there, that other train leaves. I go back to my original train, not to continue my journey, but only to collect my stuff and catch yet another train that will get me to my destination quicker. I go to the station building and yes, I see on the departure board that another train will leave soon and get me to my destination before my original one will. But I get lost on the walkways and over and underpasses. I seem to be reaching a dead end with every turn and end up not on the correct platform, but back in the station building. I see that there is not much time, so I start to panic, try to retrace my steps, but end up always on the wrong platform. I see the train leaving, then I see my original train leaving as well. I go back to the station and try to figure another way to where I am going. There seem to be a lot of possibilities, some that would require me to go back to where I started and then get another train or a bus. But anyway, I still am getting lost in that station and cannot for the love of me find the right walkway to the right platform where yet another train is just leaving.

I rarely pay any attention to dreams. Unless they start repeating themselves. Then I have to think about them and if there is any meaning to them. And it seems obvious that there is in those dreams — I am impatient, relentless, and jittery. Being on the right way is not enough for me. I want to try something else, something that will get me to my destination quicker. And it doesn’t work. I get lost or stuck in a location that is supposed to be just a transit place for me. And I panic, seeing that my stupidity and short-temper will delay me in reaching my destination. And here the message is clear — stay on your path, don’t panic, don’t take shortcuts, don’t contrive torturous paths that might save some time (and will show how smart you are). I am already going in the right direction, and I will get there right on time. And what time will be the right time? The exact time I will get there will be the right time for me.