Nagging anxiety

May 15th, 2024

This is worse than the worst earworm (or “stuck tune syndrome” as scientists are calling it nowadays). And I had a nasty case of earworm stuck in my head for a while this morning — the song was “Going Up the Country” by Canned Heat, which is a good song and I normally wouldn't mind having it stuck in my brain, but the lyrics of this song are a drinking narrative and image and that something I want to avoid, even if that is just a song. It passed after several hours of conscious trying on my part…

With anxiety, it is a little different. There is the stuck part of it. Something or an idea just gets repeated in my mind and I have to try very hard not to let it take over the normal workings of my brain. I know already that can be a trigger for anger and that will lead me to a place I want to avoid. So what I do is to try to stay calm, and be hyper-aware of my mind and the paths it wants to lead me on. I try to have my mind occupied with something — be it trivial like watching some funny videos or maybe exploring a map and the street view of some exotic location. Sometimes I might get a book and try to get lost in reading, but it has to be a special book that will engross me completely. So I have options and ways. But the anxiety is creeping up on me nonetheless. I can feel its talons slowly probing my head, looking for a weak point. Still, I feel kind of proud of myself. I am aware of what is happening, I am coldly analyzing my options and I feel ready to work on avoiding letting the said anxiety take too much from me and my emotions. Let's see how it goes his afternoon and evening.