Nagging insecurities

February 19th, 2023

Yes, of course, I have numerous hang-ups. Some have been my constant companions for years since my childhood. Some are recent finds from a sober rethinking of my actions and thoughts. I am aware of them and even was able to change or minimalize some of them recently, but there are others so deeply ingrained in my psyche that I don't see a way of changing them. Primarily since I built a very well-working coping mechanism around them which gives me security and comfort and peace of mind.

One of those was my compulsive need to compare myself to other people and their behaviors which led to me seeing myself as inferior to them at all times. I still have it in me occasionally but overall it is no longer an arresting problem. I am aware of my worth and the fact that we can see only a well-constructed surface of other people which hides their true (usually ugly or banal) personality makes any comparison not possible and so pointless as not worth my time and effort.

But I cannot help being around other people and interacting with them in a variety of functions that tell me that being insecure is an extremely widespread and common and devastating problem — for them. Even a simple thing like telling a compliment to another person is usually met with dismissiveness — acceptance of good looks or an effort to present yourself in a nice way or appreciation of a job done well seem to be a problem stemming from deep-seated insecurities.

The bigger problem arises from extreme insecurities that lead to aggression and ridicule and various phobias and belief in a particular absolute that originate from a lack of confidence in one’s belief system. That is usually covered by angry slogans and combativeness and bluster that might belittle any other point of view. It seems that hostility toward others and other beliefs and ideas is rooted in self-unconscious self-doubt that has to be dismissed by a falsified swagger which in turn leads to numerous problems and divisions within modern society.

And what can be done about it? Let us start with some self-love. There is nothing wrong with liking and appreciating one’s self — warts and all. That gives room to understand that others might do the same and there is nothing nefarious and self-effacing or arrogant about it. There is plenty of space around us to give room to others and different ideas and beliefs. Of course, that would require some self-reflection and self-examination first and that is not an easy task.