Nightmare

May 23rd, 2024

Sometimes I wish I could remember more of my dreams. I know I dream about something every night, but only rarely do I remember any of it in the morning. But then a night like last night happens and that changes my approach — I had a terrible nightmare and I wish I wouldn't remember anything from my nightmare at all.

And unfortunately, I remember all the details even now. And what is even more strange is that I had the exact nightmare like that several years ago. As the dream was happening in my mind last night, I was aware of that, I was aware that I had gone through this before and felt assured and ready to face it now — since I knew what was going to happen and I knew what to do to avoid the worst. And the worst was that, in the original nightmare, I ended up trapped and being tortured. And last night, in my nightmare I saw the same guy who tortured me in a previous nightmare and looked him right in the face with scorn and a smirk — this time you won't get me, I know what is going to happen and I will avoid it. But then in a flash, I found myself trapped again and this guy on the other side of the door was ready to come in and torture me again. I woke up screaming and crying and in cold sweat. It took me a while to calm down and go back to sleep. Surprisingly, the rest of the night went without any problems. The thing, though, is that the nightmare from last night is still bouncing around my head and I cannot make any sense of it.

It means something, but I cannot figure out what exactly. What I know for sure is that I was cocksure about all that was happening in my nightmare since I had already lived through it before. I was arrogant in seeing the same things happening to me and thinking that since I knew the outcome, I could change it this time. That this time I will come out on top. Apparently not… That nightmare bothers me, since there is something deep in my psyche that is trying to warn me — and I don't know exactly about what. I try to live my life safely and securely, and I am not overconfident — quite the opposite. I will keep a close look at myself for a while, just to be sure I am still ok.