No creativity, no depth

June 30th

It seems obvious to me now that for the last two weeks my posts on here were (mostly) rubbish. I am used to writing something every day, and usually, I have a lot of different subjects I want to talk about, and I am able to present them clearly and interestingly and share my thoughts and emotions in an explanatory way. But for the last two weeks — that wasn’t the case. I still write, and I do think I find interesting subjects to explore. The problem is that I cannot concentrate and present in my writing the required (by me) depth and analysis and literary aesthetics. It seems that it started when I got sick with a throat infection and after a series of antibiotics, I still am not a hundred percent fine. There is some fog in my brain that doesn’t affect my day-to-day living and doing, but it gives me no room and strength to find any creative spark. The same is with some other activities I usually enjoyed — I cannot concentrate on reading (but I still read, and it feels like a chore), and I cannot enjoy any trips, hikes, and bike rides anymore (hell, I don’t even plane them at all). It might be related to the weather over the last week — for a week we are under a terrible heat wave that extinguishes any spark for doing something and actually enjoying it. It seems like I am going through the motions without much thought about what I do, and why? Now, tomorrow there is my last day at work before the two-week vacation. Also tomorrow, the weather is supposed to turn for the cooler (normal) summer heat. That gives me some hope for better times for myself and for feeling better and for going back to enjoy my life and the things I do.

I will keep observing myself, my actions, and my emotions very closely. I hope for the better.