No illusions

October 15th, 2023

I have no illusions left that my vote means anything or it is a way or a voice for change and I no longer expect that my vote will make things better. At best — it might make things only slightly worse without a full-scale catastrophe right away. And yet, I go and vote in every election, whenever I am eligible — despite knowing better. And that is what I did today.

I took my mom and aunt to a voting place. Everything went quickly and without any hitch. We managed to beat the crowds going to vote at our polling place after a service in a nearby church. They met some neighbors there and had a chat with them. The weather was nice with sunshine and some blue sky. Afterward, we had a coffee and cakes at home. Overall, it was a nice experience and a nice mid-morning to spend on Sunday.

Notwithstanding the niceties, I feel rather down and resigned. I have been voting for 31 years now, and only once have I voted with full conviction, eagerness, and a clear conscience (that was for Barack Obama in 2008). For all my other votes in all different elections — from local to national level — I always choose the lesser of two evils. Or rather, I vote for one side that has the most chances to keep the other side (the evil side) from regaining or keeping power. That feels just idiotic, that repetition of the civil duty I feel very strongly about without any expectation of change, since that other side is just a little less evil or corrupt than the one I voted against…

And yet, I keep doing it and I will be voting in all future elections in which I will be eligible to vote for as long as I can. It feels like insanity and yet there is a sliver of acceptance that I did my part and did my civil duty. That is the least I can do, even knowing that no change for the better is forthcoming, and only the change for the (much) worse might be postponed for a few years. My conscience isn't clear, but I would feel much worse without voting. And there might be a time when voting will be disallowed or results predetermined, so it is the least I can do today.