Nothing happened

November 6th, 2024

I got psychologically fucked because I developed myself as a human being during the normalcy of the 1990s. Stupidly, I assumed that normalcy (even boring normalcy) was something common and would continue, especially since all other people wanted normalcy as well. Since the early 2000s (well, since exactly the 11th of September 2001) I have had plenty of chances to revise my take on humanity and the world. I dismissed them, preferring to believe that the abnormalities I’ve experienced and seen were only a temporary setback and would soon readjust themselves back to normalcy. And they did, for a while. For a long enough while for me to put my guard down and keep expecting the constant normalcy to resume.

I was wrong.

Yesterday, nothing really happened—or at least that is what I will keep telling myself. But things will happen in the future because of that day—bad things, chaotic things, terrible things. Thinking today about that nothing that happened yesterday, I have at least five ideas about what to write in this blog. But in the end, I decided I will not write about that nothing that happened. And I will not write about that nobody and those nobodies. Those stupid, idiotic, xenophobic, misogynistic, racist, greedy, idiotic, hateful, and moronic nobodies. I will not give them that satisfaction. I will take care of myself. I need it. I need it a lot. Years ago, I had a tried way of dealing with things like that — using substances to shut down my mind and my thoughts. And glimpses of that went through my mind today. I wasn’t scared, but rather disappointed in myself for that. Today, I will use something different. Something new. I will develop something new in myself. I will get better and will develop myself further. I want to learn to see and care about myself — first and foremost.