Much better day than yesterday. It’s simple — I need to have a plan and do things to keep myself busy to feel well. I felt a little nervous in the morning waiting for a note from the therapy facility. Once I had a note and started doing my medical I felt good. After that, I finally went to work, took me an hour to set my dest the way I wanted to and I actually did some work — I felt glad that I am back in a working mood, and now it will be easier to plan my day.
I was happy to see some people at work and they seemed happy to see my, but overall first day after returning only reinforced my feelings that I hate my job. I need to make a plan and start my job search seriously. After three and a half hours at work, I went directly to Sokółka for my individual therapy. I was happy to see Ada, I felt content after talking with her, she knows how to find positives in my problems and put me in the right way to solve them. I was also happy to see Diana but then quickly those feelings turned to disappointment — because of COVID rules we couldn't talk and I couldn't go upstairs to see other guys from therapy.
I felt glad and almost joyous on my way to Białystok, everything was in the right place. I need to keep remaining myself that I need to take everything one day at a time and work hard to control my negative thoughts and do whatever I can to keep me from being winded up.
In the evening I had a long talk with Ela (again), felt — I don't really know what — normalcy? closeness? of having another person in my life that cares about me. This is pretty big, a couple of months ago I never thought that it will be possible.
Affirmations: I believe in myself, I can allow myself to feel close to another person.