November 6th

Jewish cemetery in Białystok

Much better day than yesterday, in the morning I went to get my hair cut before the lockdown, pretty pleased with the result. Then I went to Farny cemetery, put flowers and lighted candles for family members interred there. Weather was terrible, cold — only 5C degrees — and a steady drizzle. I felt much better than on Thursday, I was calm and maybe even happy a little. After that, I went to mom’s, was planning to go to Dojlidy cemetery with Adam, but got a message from work to pick up my referral for a periodic medical examination. I was delighted when I got to work; I was pleased to actually walk through the office again, see some familiar faces, people were happy to see me again and so was I! I talked to Asia for a while, I will have a new desk, she told me about new rules regarding working during the pandemic. Leaving I realized that on Monday I will be back there actually work…. My happiness was gone, I felt tired and unsure what will happen and what can I expect. I need to put effort to look and find a new job. On the other hand, I didn’t let it wind me up, so I felt rather composed and motivated to make it work, I know I will not get a second chance there.

After that I met with Adam at Dojlidy cemetery, we spend there around 45 minutes, visited all graves, put flowers and candles, had a little talk — I am surprised that Adam is in a better shape — we walked all that time and he didn’t have to stop to rest. I think that he finally takes his weight loss program seriously and I am happy for him.

Then I went back to mom’s, and we talked a little; I started to notice again this passive-aggressive way of talking — especially from Bozena — that makes me uncomfortable; I felt discomfort and nagging annoyance at myself that I didn’t say anything about it — I know that I will have to talk to them about it soon, That can make me winded up and I need to resolve it.

After that, I went home, had a very nice nap. In the evening there was more shopping, also I talked to Ela on the phone for a while — very nice conversation, I felt at ease; I think I really like her and need her to be close and tomorrow she will come for a visit! I finish the day with much better humor than Thursday and feel emotionally stable. Just have to remember — one day at a time, 24 hours a day.

Affirmations: I am a very good planner, I am important to friends from work.

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footsteps of the Furies

footsteps of the Furies

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“for they knew what sort of noise it was; they recognize, by now, the footsteps of the Furies”. Enjoying life on the road to recovery. Observing and writing.