Obligation

April 10th

I feel very tired. I spend almost five hours behind a wheel, driving to a place I didn’t want to go, with people I didn’t want to travel with, to see people I didn’t want to see to have dinner together. I would rather spend my Sunday on a hike in the forest or a walk in the city. Or even in bed, or in front of the computer screen, Or reading a book, or taking a nap. Or doing laundry or washing my windows.

You get the idea.

But I felt a sense of obligation, maybe even a duty, to do this. I also felt that my presence and help to get there would be useful, and it would make the whole experience more comfortable. For others.

But — not for me.

But I am home already. It is done. Actually, I had some fun in all this. The food and the conversation were pretty good. But it doesn’t change the fact that I need to rethink some things. I need to rethink some of my actions and reactions. I know that I didn’t take care of myself and of my needs in this situation. I feel a little used and like I reverted to being a child, whose whole aim of being is to please others. I thought I am better than that, but apparently not yet.

So, back to work on myself and self-care and setting the boundaries