Off-hand compliment

May 25th, 2023

It was just a few words. A few words were added in an email saying how much of a help I am and how a great job I am doing with this particular issue. It was added off-hand as an explanation among complex multi-threaded email conversations between many people. I don’t know if any of them noticed that — especially those I don’t really see eye to eye and carry a grudge against — that would show them! No matter — I have noticed, and those few words immediately brought a smile to my face and a spring to my step.

A small, innocent but understood by me as a heartfelt compliment. A compliment stating the obvious and for something that I take for granted but told as seen by another person, and not even a person that close to me. It really shouldn’t be a big deal, but I reacted with surprisingly happy fervor and latched onto its positive message, reading and savoring those few pleasant words. I felt very content and fulfilled, I felt that finally, someone have not only noticed me but also publicly acknowledged me and my actions.

Now I think that was kind of pathetic from me.

I have a deep and unmet lingering need and want to hear good things about me, to be gently stroked verbally, and to savor said pleasantries pertaining to me. Is that quite pathetic or just normal to feel like that — I am not sure about it. But I know I need it a lot more than I want it. And I am not getting it. That is why I reacted with such greedy hunger when I got a simple and small compliment yesterday. I still smile thinking about it. My ego is still getting mental dopamine and it has nothing to do with any adjustment to my insecurities. It is all about my rapacious thirst to be publicly appreciated.