Other people’s stress
September 6th, 2023
I am not the most observant guy. Actually, I am really bad at reading other people's and seeing the signs and reacting to them. Countless times, I woke up at night in a cold sweat remembering something said, or a gesture, or a smile from somebody else and suddenly realizing what that person really meant and how I missed the signs given to me by another person. That pertains mostly to signs in interpersonal relationships and me missing them and losing a chance for something…
But I digress here and that is a completely different story of something I want to fix in my life and help sharpen my perception of building blocks of relationships.
I was riding my bike home from work today when I saw an old friend from a previous job. We hadn't seen each other for three months and as soon as our eyes met, as we were waiting at the traffic light — me on one side, she on the other — we started smiling and waving like crazy at each other. We only managed a couple of words as we were passing, but that chance meeting brought a broad smile to my face. And I rode home with that stupid grin I have and present in public when I am happy. But after a while — as it always happens to me — I realized that there was something else behind the smile of an old coworker. There was an underlining deep stress showing through her smile and facial expression. The stress that I remember clearly from before, but I couldn't place it how and where. Only after another while, it came to me — that is the expression I remember from my previous job — a smile and happy gestures, on the outside, and stress and pain and despondency and anger and fear inside. No matter how broad the smile, all that cannot be hidden. And since most people in my previous job wore that expression while hiding enormous stress, I guess I got used to it and considered it normal. Only after being on the outside did I realize that it was (and is) not normal. It is quite a shocking realization and this time I feel I was quite observant about it.
