Personal reset
December 24th, 2022
I have started 9 full days off everything — the work, the appointments, and the daily chores connected to regular days and weekends. I double-checked my planner — nothing is set for the upcoming days. I will spend some time with my family, of course. It is Christmas, after all. I might go and visit my sister, or I might not. I might go for some walks, revisit some places and sights where I haven't been for a while, or I might not. There will be time for reading and writing and eating all the special Christmas treats. I might even watch some movies I haven't had time to watch before. Basically — relaxation and nothing planned, things will happen as they do and how I will feel about doing them.
I need this time off for doing nothing so dearly…
I feel tired and beat down — mostly because of the recent hectic and intense and aggressive weeks at work. But I don't want this year to be defined by some random things that happened that made me feel inadequate or unappreciated or like I am losing my mind. Those were only moments, only loose threads in a fabric of the whole year. I reacted (or overreacted) strongly to those negative happenings, but I will not let them create the narrative for my year that is slowly coming to an end. That was another very good year, and I will use those lazy upcoming days to take full stock of where I am as a person and where I am in my life. And I will reset myself for January and the New Year.
The New Year is only a date in the calendar for me. I don't celebrate it in any way. I don't use it as a reason to start something (or stop doing something) — any day is a good day to start something new. There is no need to wait for an arbitrary calendar day to make a change. Actually — I dislike New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day for all the explosions and violence of fireworks and petards. I guess some people, without any regard for others, need to celebrate it in such a brutal and idiotic way. But I won't let it bring me down. I have a lot to be thankful for and a lot of reasons to be happy — with myself. The fact that I just unironically wrote, and I believe that it is possible to “be happy — with myself” is still a fresh and shocking discovery. That itself is a reason to keep doing what I started several years ago and only get better as a person. I have a lot of work to do still, but I am already happy with myself! And now I have time to set myself up for getting even better — on my terms and on my time.
