Preciousness of health

November 28th

Truly, I can only appreciate how important and fragile is my health after a medical scare. After four days of severe abdominal pain, diarrhea, dehydration, two visits to a doctor, numerous medical tests, and a 12-hour stay in the ER — today I finally feel ok, weak but almost normal. I lost 5 kilos in those days, lost track of time, and also lost a lot of nerves and self-confidence. I felt cheated by my body — all that came so suddenly, there was no warning at all.

That is also hypocritical of me — I did abuse my body for many years during my addiction. I still smoke, I like rich foods and crave sweets. But for the last fifteen months I did everything by the book:

• no alcohol
• regular exercise
• regular medical testing and check-ups
• self-care, listening to my body

I feel like being betrayed now. What can I do? I will keep taking care of my body as before, I will continue to search for medical advice. I will seriously go about quitting smoking and changing my diet. Never again, I don’t want to go through this experience. I hope for the best, but in the back of my mind, I am afraid.