Preciousness of health
June 19th
Even though I do take care of my body and my health, the true preciousness of health becomes real to me when I am actually sick. Today, after 5 days in bed (but without much sleep) and not leaving the house, I finally feel a little better. I feel a small turn into less burning pain in my throat than before. I guess the antibiotics are working their magic, and I am slowly coming back to the world of the living. For five days now, I was in some shadow realm where there is no day nor night. Where all the daily routine goes to hell and nothing can bring relief. Even painkillers just made me groggy without giving me the benefit of no pain or a night of normal sleep.
Now, that talk of taking care of my health is rather hypocritical and disingenuous from me. I mean — I spend years, decades even abusing my body and not giving a damn about my health. The last two years of my life, when I finally started recovery from substance abuse and started doing preventive care and regular check-ups and testing for any issues, will not compensate for the years of neglect. I know that. And yet, when something as common as strep throat happens to me, I feel betrayed by my body — I mean, now I am doing everything by the book and want to enjoy my healthy life, so why am I getting sick? And especially when there was a long weekend coming up with a trip I planned for a while. The disappointment of missing the trip and the amazing weather was almost as painful as every time I tried to swallow and had to twist my body in pain.
But ok, today I feel a little better, a little more put together. The fact that I am writing this post shows that I am going back to normal. I might go for a short walk this afternoon, just to get my muscles going. I might read a book, which I wasn’t able to do over the last few days. Being sick and in pain (especially for a person who has a very low threshold of pain like me) is no fun. And I still want to have fun in my life. So, if anything good can come up from this — I will keep doing what I can to keep myself healthy and in good shape.
