Pride in little things

November 30th, 2022

Yesterday it was only a fleeting notion. I couldn't concentrate on it because I was very busy. I am too busy, I thought. It is about time to do something about it before it gets to me, I thought, as I was trying to juggle several appointments and take care of several issues at the same time.

Kind of ironic to be too busy to think in depth about being too busy, don't you think?

Today again, as I was trying to cram this and that into my free time after work, this same notion hit me — it is too much, and I need to slow down. Will something bad happen if I don't do this or that today? What if I do it tomorrow, or not at all? What if I do just and simply nothing at all? Will that be the end of the world?

A nagging thought kept harassing me — maybe I am just lazy. If I don't do this or that today, then I will have extra work to do tomorrow. Besides, it is good to take care of all pressing issues right away, and not let them linger. If I am busy now, then I will be able to relax longer and better when I have finished with all that shit right away.

I let myself think like that for a while, then I decided to lay down on my couch and stay there until the misplaced energy I still have goes away. There was a moment as I was laying down when I thought — if I get up right now, I could still do this and that and maybe even that other thing. But I didn't, I just laid down for a while without many thoughts or regrets. And that is how I realized that I am proud of myself — I noticed a problem (being too busy) and took care of it (by not being too busy). I let the nagging thoughts go through my mind without regret and feeling sorry. I just went for what I think is good and required for well-being. Small thing to accomplish, but another big step for me in taking care of my mental and physical health and even occasionally pampering myself.