Quick radicalization
December 17th, 2024
Yesterday I radicalized myself. It lasted only for a couple of hours, but I can still feel the disgusting and numbing power of becoming completely radicalized even today. And I feel scared of how easy it was. And the fact that it was me — a rational and level-headed, meek and obedient citizen — who became radicalized so quickly and easily…
The end of the year is coming and I started going through my receipts, bills, bank statements, and overall budget expenses. Within minutes I got angry and ready to snap from my rationality. I knew my overall budget condition, but once I started to put everything together and compare it to last year, I came close to apoplexy. I am making more money than last year, I am careful with my spending and live frugally, and yet I spend more money than what I could assume from official inflation numbers on basic bills I need to pay just to live a normal middle-class lifestyle. And those are just bills that for basic necessities that I cannot (well, no one) can live without — like water and electricity and heating. I am also in a position where I don't get, nor do I qualify for any of the monetary stimuli programs that the government provides for almost any social group — except for me.
That was enough to immediately let my mind wander into a dark and brutal thought process, with serious consideration for conspiracy theories and deep-seated anger toward different social groups than the one I am in. I am not poor enough to qualify to get any governmental handouts, and I am not rich enough to have accountants and lawyers to get all possible governmental handouts. I am squarely in the middle and getting fucked from both sides. After a few hours, I was able to let it go. I still am doing fine and will be doing fine in the foreseeable future. I know my place in society and I know that my anger will not change anything, except possibly alienate me from other social groups — and that is the goal of those in power. And I will not let them win — maybe that is a radicalization as well, but the one I can live with.
