I think I partially figured out why over the last few days I was having anxiety problems and panic attacks and mood swings — it had to do with my departure from a routine I had previously set for my life. Routine was important in the first months of my addiction therapy and it helped me to keep my recovery going without a lot of problems. I simply need to know in advance in a broad view what are my plans and what I want (or need) to do every day/week/month. Of course, details can change depending on the particular situation, some things can be postponed or speed up depending on circumstances. But I need a comprehensive overview of what I want and have planned and how I will go about achieving that — in a daily or weekly routine. And that includes basic stuff like — shopping, household chores, cleaning, family visits. Also, it contains other, far-reaching things like self-improvement (reading list/plan for continuing self-learning), travel plans, investments, career paths.
And for a year after I stopped drinking I was very careful that I have those plans and routines set and updated. Of course, I allowed for changes or just me being lazy once in the while. But this laziness took over more and more until I realized today that I now live just day to day, forgoing my routines and having no clear plans for the next weeks/months. And that bothers me, that puts me in a bad mood and causes me to just waste my time. It caused worries because my list of things to do is getting longer and I push away chores and duties that kept me grounded “for later”. I don’t function well in this disorganized way. So starting today — I go back to what worked before, I have a list of things to do plus a list of plans to achieve in the future. And I feel better already, almost like some fog had cleared from my mind.