Scrub scrub here, scrub scrub there
January 24th, 2023
You cannot wipe out the past, you cannot scrub all the dirt from your memories. Especially when that something was a major and defining part of your life. And especially when that something was an addiction that can give you a stark reminder particularly when unwelcomed and unexpected.
I was at my mom's yesterday. I noticed several broken beer bottles on the sidewalk outside her gate. Somebody walking by dropped full bottles on the sidewalk since there were caps on the bottlenecks still attached. I got a broom and a shovel and swept all the broken glass pieces outside and some that were inside the gate as well. It was an unpleasant task, especially since I could smell this terrible, awful, sick, and just gaging stench of beer. I got home about an hour later and could still smell that stinking fetor in my nostrils. I was sure that my clothes reek of it too so the first thing I did was to strip naked and throw all the clothes I was wearing into a washing machine for a spin. That didn't help. I could still smell it and was getting sick of it — mentally and physically I felt like puking. So I jumped into a bath — long and hot and full of fragrances to kill the stench I thought I could still smell.
That worked. But to be sure — I put my freshly washed clothes outside for the night. This morning I still thought I could smell it, so I put my freshly washed gloves back into a dirty clothes bin so they can get washed again. Gloves that were touching the glass pieces of broken bottles as I was cleaning the mess yesterday so they were the most suspect. Then I took a shower, even though I worked from home and that was not really necessary. So far it has been good, no smell of that sick reek was noticeable anymore. I thought all my actions pertaining to that were properly necessary. But now, come to think about it — it might have been a touch too much. Looking at my action from a perspective that might seem like compulsive actions. I don't know… Am I an obsessive-compulsive person? Is that something to complement my personality traits? Is that something to add now to my repertoire of things I worry about? Is it good or bad if I am obsessive-compulsive? That actually makes sense when looking at some of my behavior characteristics. Who am I kidding — of course I will worry and think and read all about obsessive-compulsive behavior. Obsessively you might even say. And pointlessly as well — I think I already diagnosed myself with it, so there is that.
