Shameful vice(s)

November 7th

I took care of one shameful vice that was destroying my life. Or rather it completely took over my life — as substance abuse does eventually. I still work on this, on the continuation of a recovery process, but overall I was able to get it under control of total abstinence. The sobriety that followed is still a work in progress. But at least I know where I stand in relation to it and how I can make it work to make my life even better and easier.

But that was only one of my weaknesses and failings. There are others. They don't threaten my life and my recovery per se, but in a long run, they have and will influence my behavior and conscience. Since I was concentrating on one problem — the most immediate and potentially fatal problem at hand, I ignored those other smaller, maybe even quite insignificant vices. That was the plan, take care and start working on the biggest issue and then step by step on smaller ones.

That is no longer the right approach. I notice more and more that those ignored and pushed aside vices are getting stronger and occupying my mind more frequently. The problem is, I let it happen. On purpose — since I was doing fine fighting my alcoholism, I let those other impurities corrupt my mind. Just a little at first. But then I got so used to them, that I didn't consider them a problem or a weakness. I think I caught myself in time this time. I can still work on them, get rid of them and continue my life with a clear mind and be proud of myself. Those vices are only in my mind, there are no real-life actions or follow-ups. But for how long? I am not going to wait to find out. I identified the problem(s) and work starts now.