Simplicity of redemption

November 3rd

What exactly does it take? To say “I am sorry”, “I accept my guilt and punishment”, or “I learned my lesson and I won’t do it again”? Just words are not enough. And if punishment needs to be applied — who gets to say what is proper, what is too much, and what is not enough? I don’t mean in a legal sense, we have codes and judges to take care of this. I mean in a human interaction sense — when one person wrongs another — what are the options for redemption? And then for forgiveness.

I could say — “you wronged me, your I am sorry will not do — here is your punishment that will redeem you” — but that would be just silly, people don't behave like that. Or I could say — “no big deal, let's hope you learned your lesson and move on” — while gnawing at the hypocrisy of what I just said. Or I could keep quiet and relive the wrongdoing time after time in my mind, getting more and more wound up, all the while planning my perfect retort and revenge that will never come to fruition.

Those options are simple to understand. What about this scenario though — when I hear unprompted “I am sorry, let me make it up to you” and I scratch my head trying to figure out what is this apology for? Deep thinking and/or confusion are always very visible on my face (I would be a terrible poker player) and that usually brings an explanation of this need for an apology. And then I see that what happened meant nothing to me, even if I registered it — I never considered it a problem or a slight or in any way consequential.

But it was weighing on that other person so much that it brought an apology. And that brings a strange reaction for me — I cannot accept an apology for something I didn't consider wrongdoing in the first place. Of course, I know my required proper behavior and how to act as a well-adjusted person, and will graciously accept it and forget it. Except, I won’t forget it. I will in my mind create an image of a person doing this apology, as a person who cares about unimportant matters. And might feel less about that person.