Simplicity of warmth

November 6th

I let it happen again. I planned for it and couldn't wait for the start. But before, I had to take care of some other things first. Even on Sunday, there were some commitments to fulfill — like driving two hours one way on the fog-covered roads for family-related stuff. But once I was back home, I felt a tingle of expectation coming over me.

It starts in the feet (and it is crucial to have warm woolen socks) and then it slowly moves through the body to other extremities and finally to my head. It is mainly felt in the midriff and chest area. Still, even though I am acutely aware of any unusual sensations in that part of the body, this sensation is pleasurable and expected.

I feel it as a pleasant itch (maybe even something of a slight goosebumps' nature), gathering warmth as it spills throughout my body. It takes over control of my body, giving me a paralyzing relaxation of all muscles and joints. It feels like the ultimate laziness, without any guilt about it. It feels safe and like a satisfying drifting away from reality.

Those sensations are felt bodily, as a physical perception only. My mind during all that splits into two different receptor centers. One that is profoundly aware of what is happening and lets it happen and helps my body to contour itself in a way that will make the pleasure deeper. Second is active in a “black hole” way — it sucks inside some words, phrases, worries, problems, and imagined (or not) inadequacies. Sucks them in from their place in my consciousness and clears my mind completely of those junky fragments of unformed and juvenile emotions and perceived slights.

I find it a healing experience, even on a spiritual level. After an hour or so, I feel ready to back to my normal life and continue with my day. The benefits are so great that I already plan another session just like the one this afternoon. I feel at peace and calm and ready for the upcoming week. I feel proud of myself that I learned how to achieve it, and let myself do it without any regrets for “wasted” time.

And by the way — all that I wrote above is to show that I learned how to nap without giving myself any grief and with active enjoyment of it.