Spring of ‘97
April 22nd, 2023
I am not sure of the date. I think it was 1997, but it is possible it happened in 1996 or 1998. Maybe even as early as 1995, come to think of it. Those years, those days are behind the veil of vagueness and are no more than numbers in the calendar of my life. And that calendar is very thin in many places. So, let me start again…
I was in my early twenties. It was in spring. I am sure it was spring because the renewal thoughts can only happen then. And there is another reason — today in the morning, the warm spring breeze caressed my face at the correct spot and moment and an angle that tangibly took me back to that moment almost thirty years ago.
I don't remember the last time my face was caressed by another person, funny that…
Again, I went back in time — for a moment, for a few seconds at most. But I was there bodily with external stimuli that were real. I was back to that spring before — in 1997 or 1996. Or in 1998, or whenever. The breeze on my face was the same, the temperature of spring daybreak, and the angles of sun rays I felt today morning happened before to me.
The smell and the vague noise of the city just waking up were the same too. And the remembrance of my thoughts from that moment years ago was clear and familiar and potent. I was there, back in time for a brief moment with what I felt in my body and with the registry of my mind, and let me start again — it was a spring day and I was in my twenties:
and I had a revelation, a revelation that can only happen in springtime. I, for the first and possibly the only time in my life, realized the concept of renewal. The concept of renewal as it applies to me — at any time in my life I can change and start anew again. There is nothing that can stop me from changing my life and any constraints are just imaginary. I can start with a single, simple thing and build on that.
It was a very strong revelation, but I soon forgot about it and went about my life being tossed by forces outside me without as much as making an effort to change it. Until today — when a memory of that moment came back to me as a flashback in time. I realized today that even though I didn't remember that particular moment exactly for what it was — I‘ve been doing just that nonetheless. in the last two and a half years, I went about making changes without as much as giving it a second thought. And it works.
