Still fine and good

March 10th, 2023

I still feel surprisingly well. It started yesterday and my mood is still verging on the happy side of the scale. Of course, I wouldn't be myself if I didn't try to find some problem in this — or rather it was my unconsciousness that raised its ugly head several times — probing at my contentment, looking for any chink in the armor, for any sneaky way to implement worries and bad thoughts in my head spoil my good mood.

And it didn't work. And I didn't really have to do any special mental work for it not to happen — I just slowly and rather leisurely ignored any potentially unwelcomed thoughts and cover them by reading a good book and turning to happy and safe imagination and to the wholesome thoughts. And I added some humor — that was the big difference maker. And 30 minutes of vigorous exercise — that helped too.

I am doing it again now — thinking about happiness and contentment I started to analyze why I feel like that. What is the reason? The day was full of terrible weather with snow and sleet and slushy wetness everywhere. At work there is no end to what I do — for one thing I finish, two other things come up with high pressure. My unresolved issues are still unresolved and honestly, there shouldn't be a reason for the way I feel.

Maybe this is a new concept for me — that there is no need for a reason to feel happy and content and joyous. Maybe I can feel well just because. Maybe I can feel happy in spite of other things surrounding me and my thoughts. Maybe this is completely normal to push aside what is unwelcome in my mind and let the joy be. Maybe I shouldn't be thinking about it too much and just let last as long as possible …