Summer weakness

July 27th

Purple poppy in my garden

I feel very strong from a physical standpoint. I ride my bike everywhere (I just realized that in the last 10 days I only drove my car twice for no more than 20 km in total). I walk a lot again. I am back kayaking at least once a week. Every weekend I spend at least 3–4 hours in my garden doing something. All that comes very naturally to me, even last Friday I cleaned the whole house in two hours before I realized that it is Friday evening and I can do it some other time. I just do it (I wonder if Nike will pay me now or sue me for using their slogan). I feel in very good shape, and it shows with my stomach getting flatter — I think I only have to lose two more kilos to reach my optimal weight. I feel good (like James Brown sang) without any legal or illegal supplements that can alter my state of consciousness. Just good in a natural and easygoing way. That also translates into my mental state — I start and hold conversations with people who would typically intimidate me (like an attractive neighbor or senior executive at work). I feel confident and even rather nonchalant. And effortless — I am not trying to overthink or over prepare or overdo anything. Just instinctive reactions and actions from me. And I still have plenty of time for lazing about and doing nothing this summer.

But not everything is so good as my physical shape and condition. I have noticed that my intellectual strengths are weakening. I have problems with concentration. I forget about simple things that I do every day — that might have something to do with my nonchalance, but it still bothers me. I have difficulties following new instructions or even reading a book — I just seem to drift away from what is in front of me. Sometimes I even seem to check out from just thinking about anything and spend several minutes staring in space. I miss deadlines and things I planned in advance and simply forget to do what needs to be done. My writing is suffering too, I have so many ideas written down in notebooks that I know I can easily develop into something interesting, but usually, just do the acceptable minimum before clicking “send”. And it is clear to me that this intellectual weakness increases with increased temperature, heat, and humidity in the air. And it is shocking to realize now that summer might be for me the worst season of the year. Spring was always my favorite, and summer was never on the bottom of the list, but honestly — I could easily do without July and August. Now I need to bear this inconvenience of heat and sunshine and short skirts everywhere until September. Oh, poor me…

And now the minimum for today is done, so “Publish” it is.

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footsteps of the Furies

footsteps of the Furies

“for they knew what sort of noise it was; they recognize, by now, the footsteps of the Furies”. Enjoying life on the road to recovery. Observing and writing.