Summer’s gone

September 25th, 2023

I have a day off work today and am on a day trip. And I just became aware that leaves on trees have already started changing colors — there is a significant number of red and yellow leaves among the still green ones. The weather is still summer-like, but astronomically and calendar-wise, fall started a few days ago. I missed that. I missed the summer as well. I blinked and today is here and summer is gone.

I was busy, you know. With what exactly I couldn’t tell you, just stuff I guess. There was plenty of self-pity but I did have some fun. I am sure of that but nothing particular comes to mind right away…And now I try to savor a few moments of the sun of the Indian summer that warms me through the jacket. The weather is glorious today, and I don’t even want to think and worry about climate change. Tomorrow I will go back to reality. Today I want to dream. And rest. And hopefully without reminiscing.

On Wednesday it will be eight years since Jola died. Today I am traveling to the cemetery where her final resting place is. But I don’t want to kid myself — I think about her less and less. Of course, I remember the anniversaries but her face becomes more and more clouded in my visions. I guess that is normal and it no longer bothers me that much. But “Wish You Were Here” by Pink Floyd just came up on the radio and I looked really hard into myself to see what I felt. I felt something, but it wasn’t tears. I think it was the acceptance of something bigger than just us and our beings. The moment passed and, surprisingly, only now are there some tears. But I am on a train among people and it’s inappropriate to show your emotions in public, so I will keep a stoic face. I am moving on. I am not sure in what direction though. And if I don't know where I am going, I cannot be lost, right?