The evil

October 14th

To describe evil, St. Augustine wrote, is “like trying to see darkness or to hear silence”. But how can that be? I am sure that I saw darkness and heard silence and did not see it or experience it as evil at all. I actually like darkness and especially silence, so that statement cannot be true.

But in all honesty — when was the last time I experienced total darkness? At home, at night with all the lights turned off and heavy drapes covering the windows — there is still light from the outside, from streetlights and passing cars sneaking in as pale phantoms create delicate shadows on the walls. Even on the outskirts of a forest at night, there is usually moonlight or some stars blinking, making the darkness bearable. Or a city or a village light somewhere in the distance polluting the darkness. And I wouldn't dare go into a forest at night with the overcast sky to actually experience a full lack of light.

And the same about the silence. Lo love it and need it. I experience the silence right now — or so I think. There is a slight clicking of the keys on the keyboard as I write, and there is a muted sound of cars passing on the street. Listening deeper, there is also the slight sound of a refrigerator and tick-tocking of a clock. Even the wind can be heard outside the windows, and then the sigh of my sleeping dog disturbs me and the silence. And I can hear my body, there was a light rumble in my stomach and every deeper breath creates a sound as well. So — it is very quiet, but it is not as total silence as I thought.

But I still am sure I experienced total darkness and total silence, I just cannot place them within my memories of a place or time. Maybe this is just a false memory, a projection of a time when my mind and soul were totally enveloped in muted darkness and a wordless stupor. And now, I cannot stop thinking that I want to experience it consciously. I don't feel any fear, but rather a challenge of finding a place and time when and where I can experience it. I am not sure why is that, and I have to be careful — it is easy to lose the way in darkness and silence. And I already know it from my personal experience.

--

--

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store
footsteps of the Furies

“for they knew what sort of noise it was; they recognize, by now, the footsteps of the Furies”. Enjoying life on the road to recovery. Observing and writing.