The insistence of productivity
April 6th, 2023
I think I am doing it all wrong with regard to my time management. Don't get me wrong — my task-making and scheduling skills are out of this world. A lot of times I surprise myself with how well I am prepared and organized and how I am constantly ahead of schedule. But all that work doesn't give me what is supposed — more free time. Quite to the contrary, it seems that the more tasks I accomplish, the less time for myself I have. And any slightest unforeseen happening that interferes with my order of time and my schedule can put me in a disarray — mentally and emotionally.
That is not the point of all the scheduling and ticking off task after task. My goal is to have as much time for myself as possible and I am not accomplishing it at all. I have to admit — I made a mistake somewhere along the way, a fundamental mistake or fundamental misunderstanding of what I want. I want to be a master of my time. Granted — for eight hours a day, five days a week my time is beyond my control. I do have something to say about how and when I will do things thrown my way at work, but the sheer quantity of work and deadlines are imposed by others.
So why do I bring the same attitude of getting everything done on time without delay and with barely a second of thinking to my private life? Ok, one reason might be that I want to do so many things in my free time that some schedule is necessary. And all that things give me pleasure and seem like they are very necessary to my well-being and for my personal growth. But do those things are actually necessary for that? Are they helping me expand and better myself or just helping me to fill up the time with the satisfaction of being busy and productive? And is constantly striving to be better the good way to live well balanced and fulfilling and pleasant life? For goodness sake — I even schedule my rest time and my down time and my fun time…
That is not the way to go about becoming a master of my time when I regularly chase that said time and try to cram it into every nook and cranny of my conscious life. When I am in a hurry I don't control my time and I am becoming deeply dependent on its availability. And I don't want to rush after anything. Time is precious, but my life is even more so — so I shouldn't be afraid to waste time — and that is a huge undertaking for me to accept and understand it.
