The ironic situation of noticing people
March 18th, 2023
It strikes me as ironic that when dealing and transacting with other people, one part of us — our exterior — is the main point of attention. That part is or should be the least valuable since there is not much we can do with it — outside fakery and lies of surgical or cosmetic modification. And yet, this is something we present as a main part of ourselves to others and the world in general, and we go to cumbersome lengths to make it appear better since we care about the reflection we leave in people's eyes. That reflection when registered back by us is supposed to make us feel better or enhance our self-esteem and self-worth.
But reflection, be it in the mirror or in the eyes of another person is always a complete lie.
We focus on symmetry and (ingrained by the current cultural influences’) perception of beauty. We look at the eyes and hair and comment — verbally or within ourselves — on it. We notice the proportions of a nose and mouth and dentition. Skin and complexion are also easy to notice and pass judgment on. And the clothing as well, of course, can be a way to judge and assess another person. All that is in relation to the observer and their detected strengths and weakness of superficial presentation — which means it is based on lies and falsehoods of reflections that we use as determining factors in visual cognizance of ourselves.
Everything else is of lesser value and trivial enough not to cloud our appraisal with questions.
This skin-deep judgment is so deeply ingrained in our subconsciousness that any perceived faults from our ideal can make us NOT see another person at all. We can look through the person in front of us and not see even a cursory outline — and that deepens proportionally to the age of the said person. That is even worse. I am aware of my actions in that matter and am trying to go beyond what is basically a social construct with damaging consequences. I already know that reflections lie and cannot be used for any conclusion about myself and other people. I apply withholding the verdict until my knowledge of a person or situation with that person in it is better known to me. I know I won’t change the common behavior that is used in all social interactions, but at least for me going by small steps in forming an opinion works better. And if I can learn to be fair toward other people, I can be fairer toward myself.
