Something I’ve noticed several times before and again a couple of days ago during my therapy session. First of all, my addiction therapist is very good, we get along without any problems. I see myself progressing as a recovering addict and a person with her help and experience. But — as soon as my first, original therapist is back from maternity leave, I will go back to her. But — that is not the point of what I want to write about today.
During the session, conversation was slowly circling to the subject that I didn’t want to discuss — my reluctance to accept changes and taking responsibility for my actions that steam from those changes. I didn’t really want to talk about it again, so I tried changing the subject, pushing our conversation in a different direction. And we went to discuss that something else. I thought that I was so smart and smooth about it that she didn’t notice my reluctance to discuss it.
But I wasn’t.
And she did.
Without much of an effort, with no pushing from her side, just by her asking questions and follow-ups on my responses, she was able to circle back to the original subject. And it wasn’t her who breached that original subject again, but it was me — I had no choice as she very gently steered conversation back to the “changes” around me. Honestly, I didn’t even notice that as it was happening during our session. Only right at the end I realized that for the most of the therapy we were discussing that exact subject I wanted to avoid.
That is why I go to the therapy, and I will continue going there for a foreseeable future. Therapist have knowledge and experience to push me (gently and smoothly) to discuss and think about subjects that are unpleasant but crucial to recovery process. I don’t think I would be able to do it alone.