Unending toil

April 23rd

Flowers in my garden

I completely understand and accept that some things in my life will require my constant attention and hard work for the rest of my days. There is no cure for my addiction (well, there is no cure for any addiction to be fair) so that will require me to be vigilant and continue my therapy for many years. I like myself and the way I am now, but there is room for betterment as well — so self-improvement will continue without a doubt. Learning new things I like (not necessarily need) is an ongoing project, and long it might continue. Any little part I can take in a fight for ending a social/racial/income/gender inequality — will always be necessary, sadly.

I see tangible benefits of doing all that and have no intention of stopping the work I put into my personal growth. This work is never-ending, but crucial for my well-being and happiness.

Flowers in my garden

But I wish for someone to explain to me why the work in the garden is without an end as well. This year, I have no major plans for any extended work in my garden. The only project I plan on doing this year is to replace the front fence, and that will be done in July when I am off work for two weeks. For today, I planned some light work — mostly cleaning, storing away stuff for winter, and dusting off stuff for spring and summer. As always, I made a list of what I wanted to do and went doing it line by line. In three pleasant hours, all I planned was done, but… While doing that, I noticed some small things that need my attention as well. Some more pruning here, more raking there, some re-planting here, some re-painting there. Here I can plant something that would cover the gap between those two trees, there I need to set more support for a nicely growing vine. Here I need to get rid of this plant, there I need to attach this to this wall in a better way. Uffff. I made another list that is 3 times longer than the one I had in the morning. And all that is rather small and easy to do stuff, but no matter how much work in my garden gets done, there is always more to do. And even when I take a walk around and look at everything making the to-do list, I just know that next time I will find something out of place, damaged, or in need of some kind of attention from me. Honestly — I had no idea that gardening can be so time-consuming and unending. On the other hand, I do have a luxury of time, and a couple of hours working outside on the weekends is better than any workout in the gym. And after all the hard work — there is nothing better than a nap in the garden in the shade with my dog snoring next to me.

Chestnut tree blossoming

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footsteps of the Furies

footsteps of the Furies

“for they knew what sort of noise it was; they recognize, by now, the footsteps of the Furies”. Enjoying life on the road to recovery. Observing and writing.