Walk away Renee

February 3rd, 2023

It’s warm and pleasant inside where I sit, I am well and comfortably dressed (I always prefer to be overdressed than underdressed — it’s easier to take some item of clothing off than to sit shivering from cold). I was just minding my own business without much care for anything when this just happened — I felt for several seconds overwhelming paralysis brought on me only by unstoppable goosebumps. I never felt such a strong and devastatingly overpowering physical reaction to something connected only to experience in my mind. It started with a warmth spilling inside all over my body, in my arms and legs mostly but also I felt it in my extremities. Then goosebumps underneath my clothes came up with such a power that I couldn’t move and felt immobilized with internal tingling all over the nerves in my skin. It lasted only a few seconds before the relief trickled from somewhere in my midriff towards my hands and feet. I was back to normal, I was back to being able to move and I was back to the world of the living. To be honest — I didn’t mind that momentary reaction of my body, even if that was unexpected and even a little scary. The warmth and goosebumps were the pleasant physical embodiments of emotions to which my mind reacted.

I do feel a little ashamed as to what caused this overflowing emotional reaction. It was only a song, an old, sweet, and saccharine song — nothing more than that. And that was not even the original version, just a cover I heard for the first time. And of course, I recognized which song that was from the first notes. I was surprised and intrigued by how this version will stand up to the original, and then right before the chorus with the words “walk away Renee” was sung, my body reacted with internal warmth and goosebumps all over. My body anticipated the emotions that those few words would bring to my mind before they were sung and before my brain could even register them and without me even knowing what was coming and what my reaction could be. It was animalistic and raw and unsettled and coming from somewhere deep in my unconsciousness. And I will not analyze why I reacted this way to a pleasant and sweet song without any pretenses to any depth. I am glad that I experience emotions in the depths and shallows of what surrounds me, which seems like being well-adjusted to me. And I find it a new and striking knowledge that I am a well-adjusted and well-rounded person in my emotions. And I know and experience an emotional beauty right before it even happens.