Water flowing through my fingers

June 12th

I don’t know why I never have done it before. Today, as I was kayaking, I put down the paddle across my lap and put my hands in the water. The kayak was still briskly moving, and the sudden sensation of water flowing through my fingers and gently caressing my hands startled me. There was a moment of euphoria that caused me to take deep breaths. I felt a rapturous shiver and goosebumps on my skin. The simple fact of putting my hands in the water had caused that. I wasn’t ready for this emotion. I stayed like that, just sitting in a kayak, with a paddle in my lap for a long while, and letting it all flow (pun intended). There was no sound except for birds chirping and frogs croaking. The sun was beating down my head and neck and there were rivulets of sweat flowing done my forehead. The kayak was drifting, and I felt joyful. Was it a memory of something long gone? Was it simply a new physical sensation I felt? Was it the fact of doing something playful and childish? Or was it the moment of allowing myself to let go of control? That might have been the combination of all those factors. I felt strange and somehow changed. I barely did any more sprint runs in my kayak afterward. My mind was going back to that moment and that feeling. Even now, I feel out of sorts — even though it was a pleasant experience. Strange how my mind worked that simple gesture into something bigger and, as of now, still unresolved and unexplained.