What really exists

October 17th, 2023

I feel like over the last few days a fog, or a veil, was lifted from my eyes. I feel like I can see better and feel better and think better and understand better and be better. Now, I know that this veil, or fog, that was covering my eyes was only a figment of my imagination. Something made by me, although not of my free will. I just let it happen, without much resistance and barely an attempt to stop it. I let my mind be clouded by unwanted and untoward and baseless worry and fear and anger.

Not anymore.

I feel a change in me. And that change brings out not something new or just created. There is no breakthrough in my thinking and my emotions. I didn't make any discoveries within myself. The peace of mind and sharp vision and emotional stability were always there — like they usually appeared on the majority of days of my life. Well, like on the majority of my days in the last three years. The down-days and down-time are infrequent and forgettable — after they pass. As long as they last, there is still a nagging question I ask myself about my mental health.

Everything passes — good times and bad times. I know that. I mean, I know that now, when the prickly despondency is gone. But I do keep repeating to myself while I feel down that this emotional state will pass, but I am not sure I believed myself then. But it does, and now, even though the darkness outside comes earlier each afternoon, I feel sharpness in my vision. The rest of my body reacts to these changes well. I have more energy and patience in all aspects of what I do. I am also lenient towards myself when I don't do anything. I just let everything flow.