Wrong person

December 12th, 2023

There is this situation with me and my personal life that comes up once in a while. There is this woman who I’ve known for some years and we like each other and have a nice and easy-going connection and report. We support each other and clearly care for one another. We don't see each other often now, but keep an open line for conversation whenever we need to talk or rant or gossip. There is also a clear physical attraction, at least from me to her, but (I am not going to be self-deprecative) vice versa as well. Now, this is a situation I have rarely been in before, and that situation is stuck on the same point and I am not sure I want this situation to be like it is now. I feel and want to move on with this situation (relationship? that might be too strong a word for it), but there is what seems like an unsurmountable problem — she is married.

And it doesnt matter if she is happily or unhappily married, she is in a legal and actual relationship with another person (by the way — it is un-happily in her case). I don’t even know if that is something I would want to talk about with her (maybe rather if I could talk to her…). I like her, I am attracted to her, and what now? I know people have affairs, romances, or experiments and adventures, but for me that is something completely unknown and uncharted. I try not to think too much about it, but then we get to talk with each other one evening and I feel her warmth and her care and her interest and the cumbersome burden of this situation falls on my mind again. I don’t know… I promised myself before to breach this subject with her, but never had the guts. I might be afraid I will lose what I already have, even if that is not enough — it is something, right?